Shower time

Shower time

by Rick Lime

A young man would stand in the shower

And wash himself hour upon hour

Despite all his vigor

His problem grew bigger

The more that he'd scrub it and scour

The moral line

The moral line

by Rick Lime

A limerick’s supposed to be spicy

But walking the moral line’s dicey

It’s fine if it’s lewd

Though it shouldn’t be crude

So, the good ones are fun but not 'nicey'

Who's who at the zoo?

Who's who at the zoo?

by Rick Lime

There were parrots and bears at the zoo

Counting all of their heads, twenty-two

And the group was replete

With some sixty-eight feet

Can you figure out how many flew?

Four Girls

Four Girls

by Rick Lime

Mary's parents had four little girls

Their first, April was spoiled and wore pearls

Daughter two they called May

And then June came their way  

What'd they name their new baby, in curls?

It's a limerick and a puzzle! What have I started?

Food and Sex

Food and Sex

by Rick Lime

The question I have may seem silly

But when I'm alone with my filly

Can I pour choc’late sauce

On her sweet southern cross?

Or would that just be gilding her Lilly?

If food and sex both are enticing

Could choc'late sauce be bedroom spicing?

Each person may grade what

Is kinky and staid but

I know that all cupcakes need icing

The trade

The trade

by Rick Lime

I just heard ‘to crochet’ is ‘to tat’

And I’m sure I can learn to do that

First I’ll build up a stash

Then propose something brash

Like “I’m willing to trade, girls let’s chat”

We're off to see the wizard

Inspired by the wish that a Wizard would give the republicans a heart, the democrats some courage, and the media a brain!

We're off to see the wizard

by Rick Lime

Down the yellow brick road, by the grass

Skipped an elephant, pundit, and ass

But their trip to see Oz

Would be wasted because

Offered hearts, brains, and courage they'd pass

So, you want to be a politician

So, you want to be a politician

by Rick Lime

I don't mean to go off on a rant

But political ethics are scant

It might fix the whole mess

If we followed this test:

“If you want to hold office, you can't”

Dear John

Dear John

by Rick Lime

She jilted me now I'm morose

Her Dear John note was quite grandiose

She bid me adieu

With the body tattoo

“If you're reading this Rick, you're too close”

Auto-Erotism

Auto-Erotism

by Rick Lime

There is a young man we'll call Chuck

Has a fetish type love for his truck

And he doesn't demand

That the world understand

But if it were alive they would … probably be going steady or something

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

by Rick Lime

My birthday has just been horizoned

Amazing how fast the time flies, and

While it's all been fun,

All these trips round the sun

Haven't made me much smarter, just wizened.

(It's no really my birthday, but in the first person this poems is self deprecating humour, In the second person, it's just plain mean.)

Not a Limerick

Not a Limerick

By Rick Lime

A fellow who wasn't too bright

Was determined, a limerick to write

But he's "frozen boot numb"

"Half a bubble off plumb"

And he couldn't, try hard as he might

Check out Mad Kane's 'Limerick Off' contest

The Rude Awakening

The Rude Awakening

By Rick Lime

There's a trait of my wife's that I dread

When asleep, to the world, she is dead

But she'll let out a fart

Then awake with a start

And accuse me of shaking the bed

Coffee

Coffee

by Rick Lime

It's amazing that one little bean

Can drive a lust, almost obscene.

Foam lattes espresso

Au lait or just plain Joe

I crave the taste and the caffeine

Kittens

Kittens

by Rick Lime

So, there once was a girl who'd bring back

The stray kittens she found by the track

When she walked by you knew

She was carrying two

That were try'n to get out of a sack

Brigadoon

Brigadoon

By Rick Lime

Do you know the lass from Brigadoon?

She lay down with a tourist to spoon.

But it didn't take long

Before he felt the strong

Gravitational pull of the moon.

Happy Gobble Gobble

Happy Gobble Gobble

by Rick Lime

I swear to whatever’s above

Thanksgiving I’ll never tire of

I’ll always defend it

However I spend it

With family or people I love

After the election

After the election

Barrack’s still commander in chief

And each side will need time to debrief

Will they work ‘cross the aisle?

Or continue hostile?

Time will tell if they change their motif

Hooray! This is one of the winners of this week's Salon.coms Limerick contest

None of your business

None of your business

by Rick Lime

Since dinosaur annihilation

The chicken's prevented starvation

So they may be owed

Rights to criss-cross the road

Without questioning their motivation

Secession

Secession

by Rick Lime 

A man is disturbed by a line 

That secessionists now do opine 

“We should split red and blue, 

It’s much better if you  

Go your own way and let me go mine”

Check out Mad Kane's 'Limerick Off' contest

The Test

The Test

by Rick Lime

A chicken and egg do a test

And the egg's looking quite unimpressed

But the chicken is smoking

And post coital joking

So, that question's been put to rest

The Doctor

The Doctor

by Rick Lime

A doctor was filled with regret

With his patients he’d often beget

And, he knew it was wrong

But his will wasn’t strong

A real problem, since he was a vet.

The Cross

The Cross

By Rick Lime

Her ros’ry hung down in her bosom

Her manager stared at the twosome

Said “show me your cross”

So she yelled at the boss

"No you pig! And would you change your view some?"

Valentine

Valentine

by Rick Lime

A gal was disturbed by a line

That was scrawled in a red valentine

Written on the inside

“I want you for my bride”

With the signature “Love Frankenstein”

Check out Mad Kane's 'Limerick Off' contest

The Proposal

The Proposal

By Rick Lime

When a hayseed was out on the town

He proposed to a femme in a gown

“You’re the love of my life

I want you for my wife”

She said“Why don't you bring her around?”

God helps those ...

God helps those who help themselves

By Rick Lime

God won't grant my prayer's execution

So, I'll try a diff'rent solution

With no divine gift bike

I'll find the one I like

Then steal it and seek absolution

Star Crossed

Star Crossed

By Rick Lime

Our astrologer, also a witch

Told my ex to toss me to the ditch

Clearly, I missed a sign

Our stars didn't align

'Cause I'm Pisces and she was a Sagittarius

The Choice

The Choice

by Rick Lime

A limerick can be a riddle

Two lawyers are drowning in piddle

They're both almost done 

You may  save only one 

Do you choose to have lunch or just whittle

Welcome to my blog

Hi I'm Rick Lime,

Actually, Rick Lime is a pseudonym, but you probably already guessed that.

I recently started writing limericks and I've set myself a simple goal of writing at least one a day. I write three types of limericks, funny or silly (at least I think they're funny), topical (about politics and current events), and risque (these contain some sort of sexual reference). Please don't take offense at anything I write.

I hope you enjoy reading these little words of ... I dunno, certainly not wisdom..., as much as I enjoy writing them.

Please feel free to comment on any of my posts. Maybe you have a suggestion for a limerick or want to share one of your own.

bye for now,
--
Rick Lime,
November 17, 2012