Thursday, 30 May 2013

You Again?

In my small town, the AG is the grocery store. And, it's a few blocks down the main drag from the post office.

You Again?
by Rick Lime

What I like about this town the most
It’s more friendly than ones down the coast
Folks’ll ask you “What’s new?”
In th’ AG checkout queue
Though you just spoke while fetching the post

Friday, 10 May 2013

A Fork in the Road

atherine and Heathcliff were Sunday driving in the country. They were looking for a secluded lake they had been told about. As their vehicle crested a short hill, they came to a fork in the road. Catherine stopped the car. “Do you remember,” she asked Heathcliff, “If we were told to go left or right at this fork?”
Heathcliff couldn’t remember the directions. As he thought back, his mind wandered, and he came up with another logic puzzle.
“Cath”, he began. “Imagine there were a couple of guides here and they could give us directions.  Now, suppose one of them always told the truth, but the other one will always told a lie. You can assume that each guide knows whether the other is a liar or a truth teller.”“Finally”, he continued. “Let’s also assume that both guides know which road leads to the lake.
“The puzzle Cath”, he finished, “is to ask a single question of one of the guides and then determine which road to take.

Catherine knew Heathcliff could always distract her like this. She wanted to continue driving, and she was considering flipping a coin to decide which road to take. But, she was a little intrigued by Heathcliff’s puzzle.
She couldn’t just point down a road and ask the first guide “Is this the road to the lake?” There was only a fifty-fifty chance the guide she chose would be the truth teller. So, that approach would be wrong as often as it was right. She wondered if there was a question that each guide would answer the same way. How, she wondered, would they answer the question “Are you a liar?” upon reflection, Catherine realized that both guides would say “No”. She also realized that both guides would say “Yes”, if she asked “Is the other guide a liar?”
Catherine felt that she was onto something, but she wasn’t sure how to proceed. She wondered, “What if I ask them something that I know is true?” “Does 2 plus 2 equal 4?” “That would identify the truth teller,” she reasoned, “But, I only have one question. What if I asked, “Would the other guide tell me that 2 plus 2 equals 4”?  Both guides would answer “No”.  Then, in a flash of inspiration, Catherine had solved the puzzle.
“Ok Heath”, I’ve got it, Catherine said. “I’d ask one guide if the other guide would tell me that the left fork led to the lake.” If the answer was “Yes”, I’d take the right fork and if the answer was “No”, then I’d take the left road.”
“Now” she asked, “Tell me the truth. Which way should we go?”

Saturday, 4 May 2013

A gal was annoyed by a hum

A gal was annoyed by a hum
by Rick Lime

A gal was annoyed by a hum
It was me, but I tried to play dumb
When she asked “was that you
On the stupid kazoo?”
I said “No I’ve been beating my …um…”

He’s so humble he won’t even hum
Though he bumbles he isn’t a bum
He’s become truly shy
Someone cute’s caught his eye
And she mumbles the same as his mum

Unbidden my head starts to hum
Amid meter and rhyme I succumb
And I cannot explain
Though I think that it’s plain
There are times when my muse likes to slum

My TV’s developed a hum
And my banjo will no longer strum
All ‘cuz when I watched Hannity
I lost my sanity
Good thing I don’t own a gum

Squatting carpenters constantly hum
Not aware that they’re showing their bum
So good poet or hack
Can’t but help take a crack
At some cheeky verse, warped more than plumb

Now I think we’re beginning to hum
Some girls giggled and wrote the word ‘bum’
I can see the allure
‘Cuz we’re not that mature
Apropos for the lim-off alum

A fellow would haw then he’d hum
Then he’d curse at the IRS scum
When he adds up his tax
It’s deductions he lacks
He owes more than the parts of his sum

The idol can whistle and hum
But his talent’s no better than some
Still he gets their awards
‘Cuz he’s learned all three chords
So an overnight hit he’s become

The woodwinds were starting to hum
The maestro looked typically glum
Then as he took the stage
He went into a rage
As he waved his baton to and from

A gal was annoyed by a hum
And I don’t want to say she was dumb
But by turning the switch
She could deal with her itch
Much more quietly using her thumb

Friday, 3 May 2013

Too Snarky

Too Snarky
by Rick Lime

Mr Mayor, can I call you Bill
Here's some friendly advice, if you will
In some columns you've writ
You seem piqued in a fit
An' we'd mark your words more if you'd chill


by Rick Lime

There once was a mayor of note
Whose opinions I've no room to quote
But his insular views
Make me ponder and muse
"Come election time, why don't I vote?"