Limericks by the Pound
by Rick Lime
In a penny’s worth, in for a pound
Is a saying that’s meant to confound
Light years Don’t measure time
Someone’s dropping a dime
And a speaker’s for musical sound?
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They gave the poor headboard a pound
And the mattress collapsed to the ground
Though they practiced safe sex
On the porch and the decks
In the bathtub they both nearly drowned
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The Mark, Yen or Buck, and the Pound
Make a clinkety-clankety sound
Joel Grey and Minnelli
On film and the telly
Can still make the world go around
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Pick a penny and squander a pound
In a puddle a fool can be drowned
Aren’t these platitude’s nice
Guess they’ll do in a thrice
But for bawdy lims we’re more renowned
---
A potato weighs all of a pound
When it’s harvested out of the ground
Made of starch and some ash
And before it, you mash
It’s three quarter parts water they’ve found
But this spud will weigh less than a pound
If dehydrated into a mound
That’s half water, half powder
When using for chowder
Or fritters is usu’lly frowned
So now, how many parts of a pound
(And the answer will likely astound)
Does the dried up spud weigh?
If it’s too soon to say,
Is your crossword puz pencil around?
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On his laptop his head he would pound
As he tried to write something profound
And the words that were wrote
By the keyboard he smote
Made no sense but the meter was sound
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I wish she would put on a pound
Some parts of her ought to be round
But she’s built like a rake
And I’m scared she would break
If out with her I’d make, so I’m browned
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From the shindig the music would pound
Every time that the jug went around
And the neighbors were pissed
At the ‘do’ that they missed
But not nearly as much as the hound
---
Through Roget’s thesaurus he’ll pound
With hopes that a word can be found
But the squeak of the door hinge
They’d painted bright orange
Made limerick boy come unwound
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