Sunday, 26 April 2015

The Witnesses

I told this story, a couple of years ago, when I was teaching an Introduction to Computing course. My intent was to demonstrate the pitfalls of multi-tasking. It also, sort of, has a little fun at the expense of Jehovah's Witnesses.  How was I to know that my class included half a dozen members of the local Kingdom Hall. I was a little embarrassed, but they were good sports about it. Here it is, translated into verse form.

Kith and Kin here’s a day in the life
Of an overwrought mother and wife
Though the tale I will mete
In a regular beat
Mine’s a moral where chaos is rife

I awoke; it was seven-fifteen
Tried to dress but no undies were clean
So, I stripped to the buff
Gathered clothes in a huff
Trundled down to the washing machine

As a mother I’ve learned how to cope
And I seldom will snivel, or mope
So I took it in stride
(Okay, maybe I sighed)
When I found we were fresh out of soap

Then I heard the most god-awful noise
Like the crashing of dishes and toys
I went running upstairs
Midst the yelling and glares
Of my ten year old twin little boys

I asked “Why must you act like baboons?”
As I set out the bowls and the spoons
Then the hubby yelled “Dear,
What’s that racket I hear?”
All this week he was on afternoons

To the bedroom I flew “Hon, don’t fuss”
“It’s not something we need to discuss”
I said “Kids! Now I’m mad
You just woke up your dad”
But they’d already left for the bus

So I started to work at the sink
Plan my day, take a moment to think
When the telephone rang
To the office I sprang
On the line it was MasterCard Inc.

Well, those guys make me green at the gills
So I sat down to work on the bills
But then something occurred
It was something I heard
 From the kitchen; it gave me the chills

See, the sink overflowed on the floor
Then a ding-dong; who’s that at the door
As I shut of the tap
I was thinking “Oh crap”
What fresh hell could this day have in store

On the stoop were those people you dread
Saving souls for the rapture ahead
When I heard them both say
“How ya doin’ today”
I composed myself first, then I said

“The laundry’s been washed without soap
With my credit card debt I can’t cope
I’ve got more than a hunch
That my kids have no lunch
And I’ve flooded the house, like a dope

But if that’s not enough I’ll attest
That the last has been saved for the best
For I just realized
Cuz you seem so surprised
That I haven’t found time to get dressed!”

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