Friday, 21 June 2013

Harper's Canada

The disastrous polices of the Harper government are destroying Canada's economy, culture, democracy, and environment. Imperial Oil and other multinationals quietly took control of this country and the Conservatives in Ottawa are now just their hand picked board of directors.

Harper's Canada
by Rick Lime

There was a young man from Tarawna
He slept with the boys at Exxon a'
‘N alliance ensued
Between slimy an’ crude
Now O’ Canada may be a gonna'

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Could be Worse

The week after I posted "Too Snarky" in the local paper, the mayor called me out in print for picking on him. Each week since then the paper has been filled with one letter after another complaining about how "Snarky" the mayor really is. I fear I have opened the floodgates on a minor revolt...If you don't know about Rob Ford, he's the wacked mayor of Toronto, he's worth a google ...

Could be Worse
by Rick Lime

Well, our mayor is still in hot water
Speaks of people less kind than he oughter
But let’s all thank the lord
That he isn’t Rob Ford
T’ronto’s mayor is really a rotter

Gone Fishin'

Gone Fishin'
by Rick Lime

Every summer we make the mistake
Having In-laws descend on their break
She won’t let me forbid
Little Sis and her kid
So I’ll spend lots of time at the lake

No Mad Gophers

There was a little back and forth in the letter to the editor section of the local paper. Seems one neighbor was upset with another neighbor because of a gopher problem. Neighbor one felt that neighbor two wasn't doing enough to stop the "nomadic gophers" from crossing the property line. Much posturing was done and some threats were uttered...

No Mad Gophers

Gopher war or a neighborhood spat
Go to court or just sit down and chat
It’s a mole hill that’s grown
Should we call in a drone
Or could somebody just get a cat

Limericks by the Pound

Limericks by the Pound
by Rick Lime

In a penny’s worth, in for a pound
Is a saying that’s meant to confound
Light years Don’t measure time
Someone’s dropping a dime
And a speaker’s for musical sound?


They gave the poor headboard a pound
And the mattress collapsed to the ground
Though they practiced safe sex
On the porch and the decks
In the bathtub they both nearly drowned


The Mark, Yen or Buck, and the Pound
Make a clinkety-clankety sound
Joel Grey and Minnelli
On film and the telly
Can still make the world go around


Pick a penny and squander a pound
In a puddle a fool can be drowned
Aren’t these platitude’s nice
Guess they’ll do in a thrice
But for bawdy lims we’re more renowned


A potato weighs all of a pound
When it’s harvested out of the ground
Made of starch and some ash
And before it, you mash
It’s three quarter parts water they’ve found

But this spud will weigh less than a pound
If dehydrated into a mound
That’s half water, half powder
When using for chowder
Or fritters is usu’lly frowned

So now, how many parts of a pound
(And the answer will likely astound)
Does the dried up spud weigh?
If it’s too soon to say,
Is your crossword puz pencil around?


On his laptop his head he would pound
As he tried to write something profound
And the words that were wrote
By the keyboard he smote
Made no sense but the meter was sound


I wish she would put on a pound 
Some parts of her ought to be round 
But she’s built like a rake
And I’m scared she would break
If out with her I’d make, so I’m browned

From the shindig the music would pound
Every time that the jug went around
And the neighbors were pissed
At the ‘do’ that they missed
But not nearly as much as the hound


Through Roget’s thesaurus he’ll pound
With hopes that a word can be found
But the squeak of the door hinge
They’d painted bright orange
Made limerick boy come unwound

What Rhymes with Escherichia?

What Rhymes with Escherichia?
by Rick Lime

You may know I was sick for a while
Seems E.coli encumbers your style
But that’s over and done
I’ve already begun
To amuse, entertain, and beguile