Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Coffee Klatch

Coffee Klatch
by Rick Lime

For the news I'm afraid there's no match
Who's deceased, what bride made a good catch
Will the coach get the boot
"Think the waitress is cute?"
Don't be late for the town coffee klatch

For Bobby Burns

I posted this on facebook last week, but forgot to blog it.

For Bobby Burns
by Rick Lime

A man is a man for a’ that
His money’s worth nary a squat
Yet with poor honesty
An’ through brotherhood he’ll
Be a king, for a’ that and a’ that

Monday, 28 January 2013

A fellow stepped into the hall

A fellow stepped into a hall
by Rick Lime

A woman stepped into the holl-er
A classic’ly trained square dance call-er
She plays Ludwig Van
And says “Left Allemande”
With the chance that the dancers might Mahl-er

When Ms Clinton stepped into the hall
“You’d be fired by me” said Rand Paul
Hear the Oz lion sing
“If I’d only been king”
Is that pride going before the fall?

A fellow stepped into the hall
First he wept, then he started to bawl
There’s Liz Lemon and Jack
Tracy Morgan and Krak
He had just said good bye to them all

A feller was fixin ta haul
His ramshackle wreck to St. Paul
The dad-burned directions
Shore had imperfections
He purt near drove by Montreal

A fellow stepped into the hall
‘tween the bed and the head on the yawl
And then grinning he swore
“I’ve been blown offshore
And my mast is beginning to fall”

If’n y’all would step into the hall
This here feudin’ we jes might forestall
Ain’t rightly my bidness
But this pro and quid-ness
Is too high-falutin, by gall

Thursday, 24 January 2013

How long is that?

How long is that?
by Rick Lime

A transferring student named Peter
Went in search of the school totter-teeter
Asking "Where's the school yard?"
The old teacher mis-h'ard
And said "Just shorter than a school meter."

Burn in

It's been a while since I wrote something lewd or risque.

Burn in
by Rick Lime

It betrays all the time that he spends
On those days with his internet “friends”
There’s an image of asses
Burned into his glasses
That “search xxx” recommends

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Hopey Change

I don't think I'm generally spiteful, but sometimes ...

Hopey Change
by Rick Lime

A while ago, Palin would shout
"How's that hopey change thing workin' out?"
At the start of this term
She's beginning to squirm
'Cuz her tea party's almost in rout

Sunday, 20 January 2013

A woman had planned to come clean

Entries in Mad Kanes weekly Limerick-off contest

A woman had planned to come clean
by Rick Lime

A fellow who hated to clean
Has created a washing routine
Now he schedules each bath 
Using log’rithmic math
So they’re fewer and farther between

A woman had planned to come clean
But in Smithers, just making the scene
She was randy and lonely
And so she not only
Got drunk, she blew two Smithereens

A fellow is now coming clean
Fastest bicycling junkie there’s been
And he could be forgiven
If he’d only striven
T’ apologize for being mean

A fellow had planned to come clean
To his son, speaking like a machine
He said “Luke, I’m your father
I hope it’s no bother
I guess though, you’ll make a big scene

Saturday, 19 January 2013


by Rick Lime

Now and then the old man will appear
Buy some kibble, chat up the cashier
And she hasn’t guessed yet
That it’s not for his pet
But his dog has been dead for a year

Can we trust NRA

In the wake of the Newtown shooting and the Obama administration's interest in some level of gun control, the NRA is claiming huge increases in membership as well as record sales of semi automatic assault rifles. Please, say it ain't so...

Can we trust NRA
by Rick Lime

Did we have an assault weapons binge
Just the thought should make all of us cringe
Can we trust NRA
to be honest when they
are the voice of a lunatic fringe

Sunday, 13 January 2013

A fellow refused to eat crow

Entries for Madeleine Kane's weekly limerick-off contest

A fellow refused to eat crow
by Rick Lime

A woman refused to eat crow
A character weakness? P’rhaps so
But inconsequential
To her existential
And meaningless wait for Godot

A fellow refused to eat crow
For a very good reason, he'd show
Both his foot and a bird
In his mouth, was absurd
Clearly, one of the two had to go

A woman refused to eat crow
For the row that she'd chosen to hoe
And she carried with grace
Every line in her face
While she reaped every seed that she'd sow

Dick Morris refused to eat crow
He’s been wrong umpteen times in a row
But for him to admit
That he’s been full of sh#t
Would compel him cojones to grow

A fellow refused to eat crow
And for him this was quite apropos
Crow’s unclean, unlike pigeon
Based on his religion
Leviticus ‘leven or so

Saturday, 12 January 2013

Where did all these kids come from?

I'm sure men aren't quite as out of touch as the limerick suggests...are we?

Where did all these kids come from?
by Rick Lime

Of her children, a woman knows all
From their friends to their favorite doll
A man by compare
Might be vaguely aware
That some short people live down the hall

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

A fellow would frequently claim

A fellow would frequently claim
by Rick Lime

A fellow would frequently claim
That as neighbours we’re really the same
Maple leaf and Old Glory
The deal is, we’re sorry
For Howie Mandel and his game

A woman would frequently claim
Her allegiance to old 'Nottur' Dame
But for now, as of yet, her
Poor Irish look better
On paper than during the game

 This fellow would just like to claim
That my comments about Notre Dame
Whose play was quite checkered
Were put on the record
An hour before the big game

A fellow would frequently claim
There’s a virtue to ‘ready, fire, aim’
But to me it just sounds
Like you’ve got lots of rounds
And you’re not concerned whom you could maim

A fellow would frequently claim
Everyone gets a few minutes fame
His tomato soup can
An art movement began
Giving him a much longer acclaim

Historians frequently claim
On the Romans, we, sin tax can blame
At each bacchanalia
A bean counter would trail ya
To note if you went or you came

A fellow would frequently claim
That all women he knew were the same
Always early he’d wait
With concern for each date
And thank god if they finally came

A fellow would frequently claim
His impeachment was all a big frame
So he wrote in his book
“I am still not a crook
I’m responsible, but not to blame”


by Rick Lime

The snow’s from that Christmas in Wales
Where it shawled up in buckets and pails
Dylan’s picture is pretty
Rob Service, more gritty
It feels like his cold arctic trails

Thursday, 3 January 2013

What's on sale?

What's on sale
by Rick Lime

The hardware store patron was thrifty
Can you guess what he bought, that was nifty
One dollar for 4
40’s one dollar more
                                 He paid three for 250 (two hundred and fifty)

Wednesday, 2 January 2013

Run it up the flag pole day

Today is "Run it up the flag pole and see who salutes it" day.

Run it up the flagpole day
by Rick Lime

Today is for any idea
Do Re Mi or the Ava Maria
Let it drop in their lap
And then either they'll clap
Or they'll act like you've got gonorrhea

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

Z Day

Today is Z day. In honor of those that get called last in the roll.

Z Day
by Rick Lime

We all know if your name starts with Zee
That the back of the line's where you'll be
And the same can be said
If your name starts with Zed
But today you go first, by decree