Controlled Release

This was 'inspired' by a medical journal article about the controlled release of medication. An FB friend suggested the magazine probably never came early. (So, I have some one else to blame for this)

Controlled Release

by Rick Lime

There is a young man, call him X

His release is controlled during sex

So, he comes every time

That his clock starts to chime

And, to Pavlov he pays his respects

A Quickie

A Quickie

by Rick Lime

He's a Bam thank you Ma'am kind of chap

He makes love and he's done in a snap

I'll resume my critique

Of his bedroom technique

But he'll first have to wake from his nap

Burn in

It's been a while since I wrote something lewd or risque.

Burn in

by Rick Lime

It betrays all the time that he spends

On those days with his internet “friends”

There’s an image of asses

Burned into his glasses

That “search xxx” recommends

If the milk is free ...

If the milk is free ...

by Rick Lime

If the milk is free don’t buy the goat

Paraphrases an adage of note

But, there's women who see

Things quite differently

They’ll have sausage and not buy the shoat

Going down in history

Going down in history

by Rick Lime

A butch from around Dawson Crick

Met an Irish femme in Limerick

So it came as no myst’ry

They went down in hist’ry

As Klon-dyke and little Gay-lick

A likely story

A likely story

by Rick Lime

The trial was about to commence

When the lawyer, at no small expense

Said “My clients no creep,

With regards to that sheep

He was helping it over the fence”

Lesbian frogs ... really?

Lesbian frogs ... really?

by Rick Lime

Two lesbian frogs were love stricken

Before long their legs started kickin’

And when they were done

Piped up frog number one

“I’m surprised but we do taste like chicken”

Al fresco

Al fresco

by Rick Lime

It was dark in the park after class

They lay down for a quick piece of ass

But her frustration grew

So she said "Please can you

Find a light and stop eating the grass?"

He should have told Friday

He should have told Friday

by Rick Lime

For several years, maybe more

Robin Crusoe at night would implore

“Please god send me a date”

Then by luck or by fate

Halle Berry got washed up onshore

So, he rescued her out of the swell

And soon deep into love they both fell

Then one day Crusoe said

"May I please call you Ted

Maybe cut your hair shorter as well?"

Next evening while dinner was stewing

They walked down the beach two by two-ing

He took her aside

And he whispered with pride

“Ted, you’ll never believe who I’m doing”

A woman who always wore blue

A woman who always wore blue

by Rick Lime

A woman who always wore blue

Got her dress stained by Pres forty-two

He said “Lew stop that gumming

I hear someone coming”

She said “Bill I think that it’s you”

Check out Mad Kane's weekly limerick off contest

The affair

The affair

by Rick Lime

A director was fired, it was due

It seemed kinky but proved to be true

He was in an affair

With the boards easy chair

And the Chairwoman lost her job too.

The Brazilian

The Brazilian

by Rick Lime

A lady with tears in her eyes

Said,  gesturing down ‘tween her thighs,

 “I've done something silly an’

I've had a Brazilly an'

I said “You've had how many guys”?

No more sex?

No more sex?

by Rick Lime

A young wife to her husband did speak

“Doctor says no more sex for a week”

Quoth the husband “I pray

That your dentist will say

You can just use a different technique”

Shower time

Shower time

by Rick Lime

A young man would stand in the shower

And wash himself hour upon hour

Despite all his vigor

His problem grew bigger

The more that he'd scrub it and scour

Food and Sex

Food and Sex

by Rick Lime

The question I have may seem silly

But when I'm alone with my filly

Can I pour choc’late sauce

On her sweet southern cross?

Or would that just be gilding her Lilly?

If food and sex both are enticing

Could choc'late sauce be bedroom spicing?

Each person may grade what

Is kinky and staid but

I know that all cupcakes need icing

The trade

The trade

by Rick Lime

I just heard ‘to crochet’ is ‘to tat’

And I’m sure I can learn to do that

First I’ll build up a stash

Then propose something brash

Like “I’m willing to trade, girls let’s chat”

Auto-Erotism

Auto-Erotism

by Rick Lime

There is a young man we'll call Chuck

Has a fetish type love for his truck

And he doesn't demand

That the world understand

But if it were alive they would … probably be going steady or something

Kittens

Kittens

by Rick Lime

So, there once was a girl who'd bring back

The stray kittens she found by the track

When she walked by you knew

She was carrying two

That were try'n to get out of a sack

Brigadoon

Brigadoon

By Rick Lime

Do you know the lass from Brigadoon?

She lay down with a tourist to spoon.

But it didn't take long

Before he felt the strong

Gravitational pull of the moon.

The Test

The Test

by Rick Lime

A chicken and egg do a test

And the egg's looking quite unimpressed

But the chicken is smoking

And post coital joking

So, that question's been put to rest