Tuesday, 1 July 2014

To Scalia and Co.

The secret of sex is it's sweet
Be the passion enduring or fleet
Still, the cristian right lobby
Has made it a hobby
To dictate their moral conceit

You'll abstain till you're wed they repeat
You're a slut if you act 'indiscreet'
When these people get nude
They're so priggish and prude
They make love through a hole in a sheet

But this limerick isn't complete
Women's rights won't go down in defeat
To Scalia and Co.
I'd just like you to know
You can all go and suck on my teat

Saturday, 2 November 2013

A woman was planning to truck



A woman was planning to truck
From New York up to Muckalucktuk
So, it's no surprise, eh
That she'd buy on the way
Some poutine, smokes, a toque, and a puck

Check out Mad Kane's weekly limerick contest 
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/2013/10/27/limerick-truck-limerick-off-monday/

Monday, 7 October 2013

The Snake

Entered into Mad Kane's weekly limerick contest
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/2013/10/06/limerick-snake-limerick-off-monday/
Check it out!

The Snake
by Rick Lime

“We all hate the Gov” hissed the snake
Vote for me, and it back, I will take
But the snake, who was sly
Had in fact, told a lie
His intent was, this country, to break!

Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, the snake
Said “Your freedom’s the thing that’s at stake”
While his plan, which is real
Is your freedom, to steal
Tread upon in his Tea Party’s wake

So, beware the forked tongue of the snake
Randall Paul and Ted Cruz for him spake
They grandstand, filibust,
Neither man should you trust
To be gullible is our mistake

David Koch is the name of the snake
There’s a hunger he never will slake
And he’ll make us all bleed
For his corporate greed.
Head him not, or your future forsake!

Saturday, 17 August 2013

Wondered Awe

Tomorrow is bad poetry day! With that in mind, Fred Bortz over at SciFact Central posted a challenge. He asked us to write a science poem (not necessarily a good one). In addition, he said we'd get extra credit if we wrote a sonnet.

I'm not sure I've ever read a sonnet before, much less written one. But not being one to shy from a challenge easily. Here goes. With apologies to Murray Gell-Mann and particle physicists everywhere, James Joyce, Willy the Shake, David Deutsch, and anyone else, living or dead that might take offense.

Wondered Awe
a sonnet by Rick Lime

Some physicists have seen the face of god
Now which upon the other puts a charm
It’s strange beyond the point of being odd
And who am I to color an alarm

Yet here’s the spin “Three quarks for Muster Mark!”
The flavor of his toast is justly earned
“The rummest rooster flopped from Noah’s ark”
The charge be us, all glad in what we learned

But fabric from our world is like a veil
In heaven and on earth lie many things
Just out of reach that make our knowledge pale
And hubris hides what’s waiting in the wings

So, truth be told they know not what they saw
While onward let us look in wondered awe

Tuesday, 16 July 2013

Vindicated

The murder of Trayvon Martin and the acquittal of George Zimmerman should serve as a slap in the face to all people of conscience. Racism is a cancer in America.

Vindicated
by Rick Lime

Who’ll we kill next
To show you uppity folks we're still the boss
I see your black president and raise you one, piss in his pants, Glock wielding, son of the south
Don’t you stand on my ground
Wad up your worthless VRA and shove it
This is my country
I make the rules
And I’m tired
Tired of your rap, your hoodies, and your god damned affirmative action
I’m tired of your poverty
And I’m tired
Of you
Blaming me
You want what I got?
Well, you can’t have it.
Serve me my burger
And yes Trayvon, I do want fries with that
Clean my room, rake my lawn
And then, go away
Go home to your rats in the Corn Flakes tenement
With your dead president hanging on the wall
Go home to your ‘pappa’s in jail’ apartment
Go home and keep out of my sight
Tonight
Listen up and listen good
In my country
Might does make right
And it’s not my fault
That you're not white

Sunday, 14 July 2013

Chaste Chicks

The grand kids wanted to hear a story, so I told them this one ...

Chaste Chicks
by Rick Lime

Gather round if you’ve nothing to do
I’ve a story that’s stranger than true
It’s a shaggy dog tale
Guaranteed not to fail
With a moral on which you can chew

Years ago we were driving around
From the rear I could hear an odd sound
So, I slowed down a crack
And I looked out the back
What comes next will amaze and astound

In the rear-view I stared in the face
Of a chicken who quickened her pace
When she opened her stride
And came up along side
I could tell that she wanted a race

Then she pulled out in front. What a bird!
Still, I know what you think “How absurd!”
You may scoff if you must
But we’ere left in the dust
And I floored it, I give you my word.

Up ahead, we could see where she turned
And some answers I thought we had earned
So I stopped and appealed 
To a man in his field
As I spoke to him, here’s what we learned

The farm was called “Betty & Greg’s”
They raised chickens from GMO eggs
When I blurted, aghast,
“They’re incredibly fast”
He responded “They all have three legs!”

“That explains it”, I heard myself say
I was still somewhat puzzled, but hey,
After what he just said
I would ask him instead
Why they chose to raise chickens that way

“There’s the boy and his mother” says he
“Right away, if you count it, we’re three”
He went on with a snort
“That’s a chicken leg short
‘Cuz we all want a drumstick, you see?”

What I asked then was “How did they taste
On a dinner plate, gravied and graced”
He replied, “I regret,
We’ve not caught any yet
Though there’s many a chick whose been chased.”

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

The Sad and Scary Death of Trayvon Martin

With all my heart I hope I'm wrong about the outcome of the George Zimmerman trial. But, even if I am, Florida's Stand Your Ground and Concealed Carry laws constitute a recipe for disaster.

The Sad and Scary Death of Trayvon Martin
by Rick Lime

In the past in the south you’d be lynched
By the cops or the Klan if you ‘ere pinched
In the sun shiny state
From the fears and the hate
It appears that they’ve not even inched

Trayvon Martin was killed for the crime
“Bein’ black in the wrong place and time”
In the rain in the dark
In a closed gated park
The young boy was shot down in his prime

Of the white man who shot the boy dead
And his family, a lot has been said
They’ve a good catholic home
On their lawn is a gnome
But for black folk there’s fear and there’s dread

When the man and the boy met that night
Some believe they got into a fight
Others say Tray was shot
When he ran and was caught
But the diff’rence it makes will be slight

‘Cuz, the sad fact we don’t want to see
Is the statute, the law, the decree
“Stand Your Ground” when afraid
Could’ve been tailor made
And the jury will have to agree

So, we’d best hold this simple truth dear
In our ignorance, crippling and sheer
That the guns that we own
Leave us scared and alone
And we can’t kill our way out of fear